Positivity

I've had so many thoughts bouncing around in my head the last few days that I'm not even sure where to begin. First off- I'm surprised I am still married. I have been one moody b*tch these last few days. Angry at my husband one minute for not putting the trash bag in the can right, and crying the next because it seems like its been forever since we've been intimate, then pushing him away the next. C should be sainted. When I go to apologize he seems truly dumbfounded that I am apologizing, saying that he understands the stress I'm under. Back off ladies, he's mine.

Well, my proclamation of "I don't think this is the month" was short lived. I'm back to "well....maybe...." My bbs are still tender - this usually peaks a couple of days after ovulation and goes away completely before my period. It has been just the opposite this month. I also have had just a low level of nausea for the last few days. Nothing significant, it hasn't changed my eating habits unfortunately, but just feeling kind of blah. This could also be contributed to my wacky work schedule and the fact that we have been quite busy lately. It is a little difficult to assess my temperature compared to previous months because this was the first month with a trigger injection (and I got it 4 days earlier than I would normally ovulate), but my temperature is still quite high. Now this next "symptom" is quite a stretch, so don't laugh too hard. After working an exceptionally busy night, 2 people told me that I looked great...and were kind enough to go on and on about it.
them: "You look fantastic! Did you work all night?"
me : " Thanks, yes, but I feel terrible"
them: "Well, you just look so good, I can't believe that you worked all night. You look so refreshed" etc, etc.
So here's where the funny part comes in...the first thing I think is that I must have that mysterious glow of pregnancy. So add all of this together and I almost took a pregnancy test this morning.....but that damn trigger injection could give me a false positive, so I suppose I'll wait for my beta on Tuesday.

I have a new favorite song - "Positivity" by Stevie Wonder. I am making an effort to listen to it every day. Not only are the lyrics amazing, but it is a very peppy tune and I find myself dancing around the kitchen. I tried to find a link on YouTube to post here, but the only one I found was buried in a 9 minute interview and the sound quality was not that good. If you get the chance you should listen to it. The line that I am clinging on to is:

"You can always look at the negative
But you should always live in the positive
So I try everyday to live that way"

I found out at work the other day that Dr. Old Timer is on the short track to retirement. He was actually supposed to retire by August of this year, but an even older OB beat him to it. (There are only 3 OBs at our hospital, so they asked Dr. Old Timer to postpone until they could find a replacement). Well his replacement has been signed, so who knows how long he will stick around. This might mean that biting the financial bullet may come sooner rather than later to seek out an RE. We are already pretty tight on our "budget" (I say that with quotes because we never really stick to a budget) so factoring in out of network costs for something as simple as an IUI will be tricky.

My daughter's birthday is in a couple of weeks, so at least I will have something to occasionally distract me from my obsession. We are having family and a couple of friends, nothing too fancy, but I don't like leaving things for the last minute either.