10 dpo and going a bit wacky in the head

I wonder if my "unexplained" infertility is really "unexplored" infertility. The only b/w I've had done was hormone levels late in my cycle and that was months ago. Everything came back mostly ok, my progesterone was within normal limits but on the low side. I've had an exploratory lap for endo, in which they didn't find anything to remove, but they did take out the right fallopian tube because it looked "mangled". Path report came back with evidence of endo in the tube. I've had an HSG and a hysteroscopy - both all clear. But with everything that I've been reading there can be so many hormonal imbalances involved in not only getting pg but maintaining it. My doctor (I will start calling him Dr. Old Timer, because first off he is old, and second so is his way of practicing medicine) is a regular OB, not an RE. He has the attitude that he is the doctor and I am the patient and he is in charge of this process. There is no collaboration, he listens to my theories, but I honestly don't think that he gives them much credence. Even though I am a nurse which he works with frequently, he certainly does not see me as a colleague, more of a doctor's handmaiden. If a friend came to me and described his way of practicing I would say "RUUUNNNNNN!" But, he is the only practitioner locally that I can go to for this level of treatment. I'm thinking that if after the 3rd IUI we are still not pregnant we will have to bite the financial bullet and go to an actual RE - which is over an hour way each way, in good weather. I still have not seen an EOB from my insurance company with regards to the serial u/s. I have been told that they will pay for diagnosis and treatment of a "mechanical" problem with infertility, but will not pay for anything that is suppose to induce pregnancy (ie, clomid, iui, and certainly not ivf).

I came across something terribly depressing the other day. Before I found out I was pg with my daughter, I thought about how I would tell C - I wanted it to be special and memorable. I was in such shock when I saw those two lines that I just yelled for him to come into the bathroom and blurted out "look at this!". So, this time around I came up with a great idea. I was going to buy this cute little t-shirt that says "big sister in training" on it and put it on my daughter and send her off to C. Well, in January of 2006 (the first month we started trying) I was so sure that I was pg that I went online and bought the shirt and had it overnighted. I bought it in a 2T and 3T, because Z was in between sizes at the time. Needless to say, she has never worn the shirts, C has never seen them, and they sit all neatly folded in a deep corner of the bathroom closet. I don't think I can handle the thought that the larger shirt won't fit her by the time its needed.

This 2ww is killing me - as I know it does most women. I have been so sure so many times in the last year and a half that "this was it". I don't trust my body anymore. I told C today that he needed to stop talking about my bbs, because it was just adding to my obsession. I can honestly say that I don't think this is the month. I have said that before, but have secretly really thought it was. No secrets this time. Unfortunately, it could be a month or more before I ovulate on my left side again.....so until then its just more waiting. I should call my therapist.