Never attend an emergency staff meeting

When I got to work last night, the first thing I hear is that there is an "emergency staff meeting" at 7:30 am today. I guess no one called me because they figured I was a captive audience since my shift ends at 7:30. We are a small unit staffed will all women - so there is always gossip flying to and fro, hither and yawn. The latest scuttlebutt was about an employee who resigned, but wanted to continue to do childbirth education. There was huge miscommunication about whether or not she would indeed continue to teach. To make and very long story short, someone wrote a letter in support of this employee that was given to administration. Confrontation is never fun. I was the first person to speak up about my concerns about the lack of communication - uncomfortable, but I felt better afterwards.

At the end of the meeting my manager says "I have an announcement" then there is a long pause. My dear friend and co-worker had taken a very secretive leave of absence. She is a very private person. We are close in the sense that our schedules were almost identical for the last year. We have spent hours on end talking about personal issues and experiences. But it is one of those relationships that has always stopped at the front door of the hospital. So I wasn't surprised that I did not hear from her. At the end of this long pause, my manager says "C has liver cancer and there are mets to the bones". The only thing I heard after that was my own sobbing. The long term prognosis is not good. She has survived 2 bouts of breast cancer and was 9 years out from her last recurrence. She is the type of person that will have chemo on Friday, spend the weekend recovering and be back to work on Monday. I don't know what she will choose to do this time.

I know that I need to call her. All the emotions are so raw right now, that I don't think I can call her today. EVERYTHING else feels so inconsequential right now, especially the fight that DH and I had last night. So I'm off to bed to try to sleep...I've got one more night of this awful schedule (2 full weeks worth of work in 7 days). I'm sure that I am going to be a wreck when I go in tonight. My heart is so heavy right now. I had taken a bit of a break from seeing a therapist, and I know that I need to call to make an appointment. Its just that I can't seem to muster up the energy to pick up the phone and call her....maybe tomorrow.