Nope....

....still haven't talked to C. I just can't do it right now - too much on both of our plates to bring up such a sensitive subject...right now Scarlett O'Hara is my hero, for her ability to "think about it tomorrow".


Z and I had a relaxing day so yesterday - blueberry picking, shopping, lunch followed by ice cream*, then we both took a nap - her cuddled in my arms. Last night we went to a Parents Welcome Evening at Z's pre-school. We met the parents of a little girl named Sophia that will be in Z's class....I am secretly hoping that we will become fast friends - even though the mother has an infant and is remarkably thin - they just seem so nice. Z is very excited about going to school- I'm convinced that there is no way she can be old enough for this to happen already. She has "orientation" tomorrow and starts school next Tuesday- I'm sure I will be a basket case.

*The ice cream comment has made me wonder. I will do whatever I can to have another child - save financial ruin. I know that being overweight can affect fertility - so why is it that I can't lose weight? I am such an emotional eater. If I've had a bad day - it's "pass the Ben and Jerry's, please". Needless to say I have had emotional turmoil over IF for at least a year, and food has been my comfort. There was a time that exercise was cathartic for me. I ran 10K races, I trained with a body builder for awhile, and was proud of my body. Hah! That is so far from the truth these days - and the frustrating part of it is I know I can do it - I've done it before (much like pregnancy). I know that a big (no pun intended) factor is that C is very overweight as well, and not terribly motivated to exercise. I can't take this on alone, and if I can't motivate myself, how is it possible to motivate him? I also want to set a good example for my daughter of healthy eating habits and exercise.

The adenomyosis pain hasn't kicked in yet and I am what I think is 6 dpo (usually the pain starts on 3-4 dpo). I think that I am starting to get some PMS/early preg symptoms like tender bbs- so I have been walking around the house groping myself to make sure. All of this really hasn't done anything for my mental state. Did I imagine the EWCM? (hard to believe that - it was copious). Am I pregnant and the pain is already subsiding? Did all the mucking around with hormones over the last year make it impossible for me have a regular natural cycle? Do C and I need to start at it like rabbits again? (and that brings on a whole new set of questions). Am I in the 2ww? And if yes, when should I POAS? Argggghhhh - I think my head is going to explode.