Change

I'm considering a change....changing the name of this blog to "The Toilet Paper Diaries". My whole life seems to hang in the balance of what I find on the toilet paper. I was bounding along, just fine - even a little happy and light. Then the damn EWCM shows up and I am a mess. Why is it happening so early? Am I ovulating on the right this month? (4 in a row on the left seems like too much to ask). How can I completely rearrange my schedule - without messing up everyone else's- to accommodate this biological change that I have absolutely no control over? In one wipe I go from normal average human being to crazed IFer.

I was doing so well, but now that I haven't done any monitoring....I'm not sure what exactly I should be obsessing over right now. I am actually thankful for my adenomyosis pain, because if I start up with that in the next couple of days, I will know that I did really ovulate early. It is possible that I am in the 2ww right now, and don't even really know it. Maybe I will take Hez's advice and sleep as much as I can, to get through the next couple of weeks.

This weekend went well, hectic, but well. We have been shopping, out to eat, bowling, napping, watched a DVD, scattered with brief relaxation - and that was just Saturday. Sunday was more shopping, manicures with the nieces, errands, watched Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (or as Z calls it: Chitty Bang BANG), dinner, then the drive back to Vermont. It was quite the whirlwind weekend - it almost always is down there, but most enjoyable. Usually the kids are involved in so many activities that we don't get much time to sit down and talk for any period of time. My eldest niece is 13, and I was able to dole out some much needed advice about boys. I believe the pinnacle of the wisdom I bestowed was that at this age she should not date any boys that ride motorcycles. They are very good kids, but caught up in the "keeping up with the Jones" mentality that comes with living in an affluent community. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think that 9 going on 10 years old is a little young to be seriously looking at purchasing a Coach purse.

So now we are back at our humble Vermont abode. I have the morning to myself which I may or may not spend cleaning. Warning: TMI shared in the following...... We had a botched "rendezvous" last night. Both of us were exhausted, and C had some performance issues. These seem to happening a little more frequently in the last couple of months. I know there is a lot of pressure, and I try not to make a big deal of it - because that only adds to the pressure....but when it happens, I am devastated. He only has ONE job in all of this- and of all the things that I endure - his job is not so bad - at least I hope it isn't! I don't feel like I can express to him exactly how big of a deal this is to me, because it will just add to the stress of the situation next time. This morning we hardly spoke. Right as he was walking out the door he grabbed me and gave me a big bear hug, which was needed, but then says "I feel kind of bad about last night". KIND OF?! I know I need to talk with him about this, but I am dreading it.