Struggle

I opened up a fortune cookie today that said "Struggle as hard as you can for whatever you believe in". It was just the right phrase at the right moment. I never thought that I would have such doubts about an IVF cycle once I was in the middle of it. Usually once I make a decision, I am committed and I don't look back. Not the case this time around. I've actually even questioned whether or not we would do another cyle after this one. Now, doesn't that seem a little silly after changing jobs strictly for the IVF benefits?

Lupron sucks. The headaches, the moodiness - I could do without it! C has really stepped up to the plate and been so helpful with my morning injections. We did not go to an injection class because I do this all the time. So I have had to talk him through drawing up the medication. The first day he almost wiped the needle with the alcohol swab instead of the top of the vial! I've done all the injections so far....but will definitely need his help for the IM shots that start next weekend.

I went to a funeral yesterday. My dear friend and co-worker lost her long battle with breast cancer. The last time I talked with her she was doing pretty well. She had stopped chemo and the tumors were shrinking. She suddenly stopped communication. I didn't push it because she has always been such a private person. I have so many regrets of not pushing harder to be there for her at the end. The funeral was heartbreaking. Her daughter-in-law is pregnant and due in August - she really wanted to be around to see her second grandchild. During the graveside service the minister read a letter that my friend had written to her first grandchild on the day she was born. The whole situation was no place for an infertile on lupron.....I was a mess. I didn't even go back to the house after the service, every time I opened my mouth I was bawling and I didn't figure her family needed that around.