...or am I just in a REALLY bad mood? This morning was my first Lupron (20 units), done covertly in brother's house at 6:30 am. I awoke at 4am, thinking that I had over slept and could not for the life of me get back to sleep. The rest of the morning was mayhem. My parents left early, and my brother's family spent the morning getting ready for one of my niece's cheerleading competitions. I snuck out thinking that getting back home early would be a great idea - that I could spend all of this quality time with C.
Instead I walk in the house and immediately feel a black cloud hovering over me. I am completely over critical of EVERYthing that C has done (or not done, rather) in my absence. The day I left I had asked him if he had read through the folder the RE's office gave us. "Not yet", was his reply. Not yet? Not YET? When would be a good time then? Maybe next month when all of this is over?!!! A few weeks ago he told the psychologist (mandated session for our clinic) that he was going to do more research and ask more questions about this process. I was so happy to hear him take on some responsibility and make an effort to learn about this journey without me spoon feeding him information. Has he done any of that? - not yet. Did he ask me about my first injection? Not yet. I've lost nearly 20 pounds since the beginning of the year because the RE said it would improve my fertility. Has C started his exercise program to do the same? Not yet.
It is completely impossible for me to express how I'm feeling to him right now without verbally ripping off his head. Is this Lupron rage (already?), or am I just over tired and over stressed?
Thank you all for the comments. I haven't gotten around to individual blogs just yet as it has been a very busy week. But I just wanted to acknowledge how much your support means to me!
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2 comments:
I can totally relate to your interactions with C. I am exactly the same way. We deal with it by acknowledging that this is a difficult process. He knows to back off when I ask for some slack, and I know to back off when he takes my hand and says, "It's going to be okay." I'm on half the Lupron you are... maybe that makes a difference. Good luck!!
By the way, thanks for acknowledging my jealous feelings - ugh! I wish they would just go away!
I also can totally relete. I hope you are doing okay. I suppose it is such a different process for men - and it seems for some of them - they are 'removed' from it. I am now at the donor egg stage - and my husband has only just got to the place where he wants 'us' to do another cycle. Grrrrrrrrr. Keep your chin up.
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