hot topic

I find myself trying to justify the tribulations we are voluntarily putting ourselves through in order to have another child. Mind you I do not feel the need to search for validation within myself, but to everyone else. I had thought that I found a safe place to land in this community of infertility. Lately I have been clicking on links of blogs that take me 3-4 blogs away from my original search or favorite's list. There is the hot topic out there of primary vs. secondary infertility, and honestly I am starting to feel a little unwelcome by some. I'm not going to get on any kind of soap box. When people feel so passionately about something, I have little confidence that anything will change their minds. And let me also be clear, I don't want to change anyone's mind, maybe just offer a little different perspective.

My friend who passed away of ovarian cancer 3 years ago used to talk about taking her own life at the end, when her quality of life was not acceptable for her. She also talked about not going through chemo again. She heard a lot of "I would never do that" or "I would want to fight it to the end". Her comment was simple: you don't know what you would do, until you are in that very situation. Those who say "I would just be happy with one", maybe you will, maybe you won't. There is no telling until you are truly faced with these decisions, that they are no longer hypothetical. In the end, my friend changed her mind, she did have more chemo and cancer, not hemlock, took her life. We are also entitled to change our minds and adapt our philosophies as our environment, lives and world changes around us. Speaking in absolutes is dangerous way to go through life.

Anyway, enough of that. I am seriously considering a job change in order to have coverage for IVF. I started updating my resume yesterday.