Am I wrong?

Yesterday was Z's birthday. She was a bit confused as we had a birthday party for her over the weekend. When she woke up I said "Guess what? Today is your birthday!" Z says "How old am I?" Me: "5". Z: "Still?" I guess five years old is quite boring and and 3 days of it was all she could stand. The original plans for the actual birthday included a family (including grandparents, aunt and niece) trip to the circus. Somewhere along the road it ended up being just me and Z. Apparently the rest of the family was just as bored with Z turning 5 (again) as she was. Silly me didn't reserve the tickets and it was sold out, so we didn't end up going anyway. There was a small "celebration" last night with a few more presents and a (that's right "a" as in a singular) cupcake. I was a little irritated with the way the whole day was turning out. Now here is the kicker. Toward the end of the "celebration" DH says to me "So are you expecting me to go with you to the ultrasound tomorrow?"


WHAT?

Here is what is going through my head: You mean the appointment that I talked to about, not only when I made it, but confirmed it earlier today? You mean the ultrasound that I have such anxiety about that I swore I was having a miscarriage the other morning? You mean the ultrasound where I might find out that there is no heartbeat and that this pregnancy is over and I will be such a mess that I will not be able to drive myself home because I will be such a puddle of mush?

What I said: Of course I do.

He said something else, but my head was spinning so that I didn't quite catch it. All I could manage to say was "You really don't want to have this conversation with me right now" After all we still had family over.

Later, I tried so hard to control my anger and yet express my feelings about what he had said and how it affected me. In return for my efforts to spare his feelings I received a blank stare and a timid "I'm sorry". He then left to go downstairs, I went to bed. No kiss goodnight.

Did I mention that I had to come off my antidepressant cold turkey and on top of dealing with the anxiety of waiting between ultrasounds, I am now going through withdrawal? What fun!

Ultrasound is today at 2:45. I'm almost tempted to go by myself......