Shadows

Do I dare creep out of the shadows? I needed a break from the blogging and this morning a switch went on and apparently I am ready to put myself out there again. So here's the update from the ectopic saga....it was NOT ectopic. My beta went up after the methotrexate. My doctor wanted to see me"urgently" when the rising beta results came back, I totally panicked. The nurse asked if there was someone that could take me home after our meeting. My head was spinning and I thought that I was headed for emergency surgery. It turns out that my RE did not believe it was ectopic...she was out of town when all the hubbub happened the week before. She has a double specialty in RE and radiology so I really trust her interpretation of the ultrasound pictures. She recommended that I do a D&C, sent the tissue to pathology and if there was positive for chorionic villi, then it was a uterine pregnancy, then continue to check my beta just to make sure there was not a second one in the tube. Indeed the tissue was positive for chorionic villi, and my beta dropped to 1 within about a week and a half. I said that I would NEVER do another D&C in the office, but I wanted all of this to be over and again scheduling was an issue, so it was an office D&C....all alone as my husband could not get there in time. But it wasn't too bad, didn't hurt nearly as bad as the first time.

So then it was the decision of what to do next? Do I take a couple of months off? I feel like I am so pressed for time 41 is looming around the corner for me. We decided to soldier on. The antidepressant has been a small miracle. I feel like the person I was 5 years ago, and it is such a relief to be in a place that I can truly laugh, relax (yikes!) and most importantly feel like I have the capacity to rationally cope with stress.

So we are doing another cycle. Actually I triggered last night, retrieval is at 8am on Tuesday. I had high hopes for this cycle because I am such a different place than I ever have been before. I am calm, "relaxed" (though I HATE to use that word), and dealing much better. However, I am not stimming as well as I have before. In previous cycles they have retrieved 14, 11 and 10 eggs all with great fertilization (11, 9, and 10). This cycle it looks like we may get 5 mature eggs. As I am writing this, I wonder if the poor stimming has anything to do with the methotrexate?! I've gotta write that down and ask the doc about that one. My nurse said it was just a down cycle, that I shouldn't expect to stim the same every time because each cycle can be so different. I did the same protocol as before: BCP, Lupron 20, 10 then 5u, Follistim 75 and 2 Menopur in the AM and Follistim 150 and 1 Menopur in the PM.

I've had a pretty rough weekend at work, yesterday I had a melt down - combination of stress of the day and hormones. Feeling better today, but quite mellow. I have no idea what to expect from tomorrow. My primary thought for today is to stay hydrated so the IV will go smoothly tomorrow. I have my favorite anesthesiologist lined up for my retrieval so I know I will be in good hands. Unfortunately my RE is away on vacation. I'm excusing her for this because it is her 20th wedding anniversary, and she told me that she would be thinking about me while she was having a fruity drink....and honestly I think she will make a point to send some good energy my way. The RE that will be doing both retrieval and transfer is very good, just not the warm and fuzzy type.

Once I'm up and about, I'll send out the retrieval report.