Close to the surface

First things first - the girl's night out was awesome. It has been so long since I have giggled at the silliest of things. At one point it felt like we were back in high school and were out for a joy ride in our parents car. We are going to try and do this once a month.

The ultrasound was interesting. The tech greeted me and brought me back into my favorite room (just an aside - isn't it sick that I have a "favorite" ultrasound room?!). The tech was also one of my favorites. She is bubbly and friendly and actually talks to me before breaking out the wand. She left me alone to change and as I am sitting on the table waiting for her to come back, I start to panic. I start thinking about how this was the room where we found out that there was no longer a heart beat during out last cycle. But wait, I'd been in this room before, I'd had my sonohystergram here just a few weeks ago...what was different? It was the tech. She had been the ultrasound tech that day as well. I found myself in a tail spin. I didn't want my favorite tech to stimulate such sad and vivid memories. And yet I am sitting on the table, naked from the waste down, looking at the ceiling so the tears don't breech the crest of my lower eyelid. Because I know that if one tear lands on my cheek, I will quickly go into the the ugly sobbing crying. I have been doing very well for several weeks now, but sitting in that room, waiting for her to come back in, I realized how close to the surface those emotions still are. I did manage to hold it together...didn't even need a kleenex.

So 6 resting follicles on each side (I think I had 14 last time), but the scan was so fast, I'm not sure how accurate that is. No free fluid in the uterus, no cysts, no need for blood work this time around. I have the green light to start stims tomorrow am. 1 menop.ur and 150 of f.ollistim in the morning and at night. Follow up ultrasound on Friday and an E2.

Driven by an emotional day, I decided to keep the theme running and told C how I didn't feel comfortable around a lot of his friends. (I thought about this earlier in the day when I stopped by to have lunch with C at his office today after my ultrasound and one of his gaming friends showed up half way through lunch....I got uncomfortable and left pretty abruptly). C is a social chameleon, and can talk about sports, theatre, comic books, many genres of literature, computer gaming, politics, celebrity gossip, etc... Many of his friends are into computer gaming - something I have pretty much zero interest in, so when they start talking all I hear is blah, blah, blah. With his male friends, they are always trying one up the other in insults. He would NEVER talk to me this way, so when I hear him talking to others like that, even if I know everyone is joking around, it makes me uncomfortable. So between gaming talk and insults, I'm usually pretty bored and antsy to leave. This whole topic came up last night because C wanted to go spend the evening with some of his friends next weekend. Now, let me preface this by saying that I love this couple...but both husband and wife are gamers, so there comes a point late in the evening when ALL conversation is about graphic novels and gaming. I try to smile and nod, but honestly I don't even listen. Am I the worst wife ever? So all of this comes up in my conversation with C yesterday. He was very understanding about the whole thing and wanted to know what we should DO about it, all I wanted to do was relax and watch Survivor. I wasn't out to fix any problems last night, I was motivated to say something because of an emotional day compounded by 2 weeks of l.upron. Poor guy, now I have him trying to fix an issue that I really don't give too much thought to until I am faced with spending time with his gaming friends, which is hardly ever.