I was happy....for about 5 minutes

So u/s today.....I saw a sonographer that I had never met before and she was not very warm and fuzzy. When the image came up on the screen I immediately saw the sac, and the flicker. I was overwhelmed and thrilled. C and I held hands, so happy that our worries were for not - UNTIL the RE came in. He asked how I was doing, I said "I'm great now". Then he goes into a little sidebar with the sonographer. They talk about gestational sac size and crown to rump length, which are all just fine...this clinic doesn't really give out specifics very freely so I just typically take the no news is good news approach when it comes to statistics. Then we get to the heartbeat. It is 97. NOT good. It seems silly and maybe even trivial, but they wanted to see it over 100. So back for another u/s next week. Which is going to be tricky with my work schedule. They said I could be seen in 7-10 days...hello! How could I wait 10 days? So right now my appointment is for next Friday, but it might get bumped due to lots of retrievals that day. If Friday is a go, then I have to do some fancy rescheduling with work - I'll work on that tomorrow.

As I left the u/s room I ran into both of the IVF nurses that I have worked with, they were very supportive, but not saying terribly optimistic things. I got "at least you got pregnant" and "maybe things with turn around next week". I have no idea what to think right now. 3 beats per minute off doesn't seem like much to warrant such a dismal outlook, but that is the impression I was getting from the IF team.

Unfortunately we had to take my daughter to the appointment. I have never done it before and will do everything I can from doing it again, there was just no other choice. Luckily the clinic is not crawling with infertiles, I rarely see anyone else when I go. And the clinic shares the space with the regular OB clinic, so the place is lousy with pregnant women. Anyway, we have not talked about the pregnancy with her in weeks, but when she walked into the u/s room (I was already there seated with a sheet over my lap) she blurts out "are you having a baby?" Before the RE came in the room (and we were still happy) we pointed to the screen and showed her the baby. So all afternoon she has been pulling up my shirt and asking where the baby is. Boy do I regret saying ANYTHING to her earlier - and you can't just take something like that back.

So off to work tomorrow, I'm hoping that nobody comes up and congratulates me...I know that I won't be able to hold it together.