Ultrasound today at 8w1d.
No heartbeat.
No growth.
D&C Monday.
"Hope is one of my favorite emotions because of its humility. It's not like gladness or joy which stick around just for the good stuff. Hope is my heart's missionary. It humbly seeks fear and shame and hurt and befriends them. Hope enters the very dustiest parts of my heart, clears out the cobwebs, and whispers of the promise of eternal perfection. "
--Maggie Lindley
--Maggie Lindley
About Me
- minus one
- 41, former city girl living in the country. Married to C. since 2001. We have a beautiful daughter who just turned 5. No problems with conception first time around - I know everything works....or at least it did. TTC since January of 2006. I love my job, but hate going to work most days. "Why?" you ask, well, I'll tell you. I'm a labor and delivery nurse.
How Medicine has helped me so far
- July 2004: Birth of Z via C-section - after 3 months of ttc
- August 2005: Exploratory lap for endo, Right fallopian tube removed, no other signs of endo
- November 2005: Diagnosed with adenomyosis via MRI
- January 2006: Made the decision to put the second half of our plan in motion - actively started TTC using OPKs
- June 2006 - April 2007: clomid 50 and 100 mg = all BFN
- August 2006: B/W - low/normal progesterone, SA - normal
- February 2007: 2nd exploratory lap, HSG, hysteroscopy - everything "looks good"
- May 2007: IUI #1 clomid 50 mg, hCG - BFN
- June 2007: IUI #2 clomid 50 mg, hCG - BFN
- July 2007: IUI #3 clomid 50 mg, hCG - BFN
- September 2007 - appointment with RE at big scary (in)fertility clinic. Clomid challenge (FSH = 5 - yea!) and SA (fine).
- November 2007: Making a plan with the RE, IVF May 2008?
- January 2008: Start work at big scary hospital because they pay for 6 (SIX) fresh cycles
- March 2008: Mock transfer (good), Sono Hystergram (good), clomid challenge- day 10 FSH = 10 (boo!)
- April/May 2008: anticipated IVF #1
- May 15, 2008:ER- 14 eggs! 11 fert
- May 20, 2008: ET - 5dt 2 blasts, 1 frozen
- May 2008: BFP!
- June 2008: 8 week pregnancy loss
- Sept 2008: Start IVF #2
- October 8, 2008: ER 11 eggs, 9 fertilized, 1 frozen
- October 20, 2008: BFN
- December 2008: Start IVF #3
- January 14, 2009: ER 10 eggs, 10 fertilized!!!
- January 19, 2009: ET, 2 blasts, 2 frozen
- January 26, 2009: BFP, beta #1- 29
- February 2009: Ectopic, just kidding, not ectopic, methatrexate + D
- June 2009: IVF #4 - 8 eggs, 3 fertilized, 3dt 3 embryos
- June 2009: BFP Beta #1- 18
The Cyclists
All the darkness in the world cannot put out the light of one small candle. -- anonymous
My little Red Sox fan
Blogs I have on my Favorite list
Infertility Decoder Ring
- 2ww - 2 week wait
- 5dt- 5 day transfer
- AF - Aunt Flo (menses)
- B/W - blood work
- BBT - basal body temperature
- Beta - Beta HCG (quantitative pregnancy test)
- BFN - big fat positive
- BFP - big fat positive
- CD- cycle day
- CM - cervical mucous
- DPIUI - days post iui
- DPO - days post ovulation
- DPT - days post transfer
- ER- egg retreival
- ET - embryo transfer
- HPT - home pregnancy test
- IUI - intrauterine insemination
- IVF - invitro fertilization
- OPK - ovulation predictor kit
- POAS - pee on a stick
- RE - reproductive Endocrinologist
- TTC - trying to conceive
- US - ultrasound
4 comments:
I am so sorry to read about this. I have been exactly the same position and I know that there is nothing anyone can say or do to make this easier or better. The closest thing that anyone could say was this, "It is incredible that so much initial joy can be taken away so quickly and so thoroughly. There is no fairness to this situation. There is only time."
I hope you are able to find comfort and peace soon. My thought and prayers are with you and your family. Many hugs to you, Sweetie.
I wish I could take the pain away for you. Many hugs for you and for your family.
I too wish I could do something or say something that would help you and your family during this hard, painful time. My thoughts and prayers are with you and I'm sending you lots of ESP messages full of hope and understanding.
:( HUGS again, if you need to talk....
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