Thanks to all who have continued to comment...although I have been such a bad blogger and commenter! Betas have been going well. Not doubling always, but certainly making the appropriate 66% jump in 48 hours. Here are the betas to date:

12dpo 18
14dpo 36
16dpo 87
20dpo 277
22dpo 511
24dpo 1437

It is hard not to compare previous cycles, which had higher numbers...but ultimately unsuccessful. I am now in a holding pattern until my ultrasound on Thursday. In the past they did a 5w6d us, this time it will be 6w2d. They are hoping to see a heartbeat at that time...and needless to say I do too. In the meantime, I'm very cautiously optimistic. It is difficult to enjoy any of the success so far, when I have come this far and been devastated. I have not proclaimed I'm pregnant...I usually say something like "well, there's something in there, I just don't know what yet". Don't get me wrong, I'm so thankful to have even gotten this point, especially since I thought this whole cycle was going to be a bust.

2nd beta

Beta #2 was 36. Still low for my taste, but it did double. Next one is tomorrow. Not much time to post now, had a quick get away for 24 hours, which was awesome for keeping my brain out of beta worry mode.

12dpo

I had my first beta today ....18. Not sure what to think of it as it is pretty low. My other two betas (which of course ended unsuccessfully, so I'm not sure it is worth comparing) were 27 and 29. I did tell a few people that knew I was having my blood work done today that I am not NOT pregnant. There is a very small piece of me that wants to be excited, but mostly I am emotionless about it. Next beta will be on Tuesday so that should give me some direction. Of course I am pleased that I get to continue to ride this roller coaster, it's just that I've had two miserable outcomes with higher initial betas. I suppose I this emotionless state is a way to insulate my heart...even if it only works temporarily.

(So, have I been enough of a Debbie Downer with this post?...after all it IS good news. Note to self: be Zen and remember that I am PUPO).

Any success stories with low initial betas would be welcomed!!!!

2dp3dt

I'm a bad infertile. After reading some other blogs, I can't believe that I was complaining about my number of eggs and fertilization rate. There are so many out there that have their cycles cancelled at the last minute, or never make it retrieval, I should be appreciative of what I have had to work with over the last year.

I am now 2dp3dt. I called out from work today as I have been having some moderate cramping with pretty much any activity. Yesterday if I walked up the stairs, I would almost immediately start to cramp. I called the IF nurse on call and she said that even though the clinic does not officially have a bed rest policy following transfer, the cramping could be a sign that I am overdoing it and I need to take it easy. She also said that I shouldn't do anything that, if the cycle did not go well, I would regret doing. After talking with some co-workers today, they encouraged me to call out for tomorrow as well. I don't know why it is such a difficult decision for me....work can be physically grueling. Some days lunch consists of shoveling a sandwich down my gullet while standing next to the nurses' station, often times I don't have time to stay hydrated...let alone go to the bathroom. Then there are other days that requires busy work in the morning, then the afternoon is filled with chatting with co-workers. The problem is I never know how busy it will be (can't really predict when laboring women will be coming in). So my dilemma is that I feel pretty good, as long as I don't do anything...and when I don't do anything, I feel guilty. Anyone want to weigh in on whether or not I should call out for tomorrow? I've heard mixed opinions about bed rest and being inert...any insight would be appreciated.

Transfer

Just a quick note to update. We transferred 3 today. An 8 cell A-, a 7 cell A- and a 2 cell C. It was kind of a Hail Mary, looking back I'm not sure why we threw the 2 cell one in there, but I figured "what the hell".

I've watched way too much TV, and even asked the cat if she thought this would take -so I believe I've hit a new low. Beta will be on the 14th, until then I will try my best to live in the moment and not analyze every little twinge.

3

Yep, just three fertilized. I'm terrified that by Friday there will be none....barely got off the couch today. Hard to believe I was the beacon of hope and "relaxation" just a week ago.

ER

Just a quick note before I am off to bed. They retrieved 8 eggs today, quite a pleasant surprise as we were expecting 5 at the most. I'll have the fert report tomorrow, then a 3dt on Friday. Until then I plan on enjoying some rest and pain medication.

Shadows

Do I dare creep out of the shadows? I needed a break from the blogging and this morning a switch went on and apparently I am ready to put myself out there again. So here's the update from the ectopic saga....it was NOT ectopic. My beta went up after the methotrexate. My doctor wanted to see me"urgently" when the rising beta results came back, I totally panicked. The nurse asked if there was someone that could take me home after our meeting. My head was spinning and I thought that I was headed for emergency surgery. It turns out that my RE did not believe it was ectopic...she was out of town when all the hubbub happened the week before. She has a double specialty in RE and radiology so I really trust her interpretation of the ultrasound pictures. She recommended that I do a D&C, sent the tissue to pathology and if there was positive for chorionic villi, then it was a uterine pregnancy, then continue to check my beta just to make sure there was not a second one in the tube. Indeed the tissue was positive for chorionic villi, and my beta dropped to 1 within about a week and a half. I said that I would NEVER do another D&C in the office, but I wanted all of this to be over and again scheduling was an issue, so it was an office D&C....all alone as my husband could not get there in time. But it wasn't too bad, didn't hurt nearly as bad as the first time.

So then it was the decision of what to do next? Do I take a couple of months off? I feel like I am so pressed for time 41 is looming around the corner for me. We decided to soldier on. The antidepressant has been a small miracle. I feel like the person I was 5 years ago, and it is such a relief to be in a place that I can truly laugh, relax (yikes!) and most importantly feel like I have the capacity to rationally cope with stress.

So we are doing another cycle. Actually I triggered last night, retrieval is at 8am on Tuesday. I had high hopes for this cycle because I am such a different place than I ever have been before. I am calm, "relaxed" (though I HATE to use that word), and dealing much better. However, I am not stimming as well as I have before. In previous cycles they have retrieved 14, 11 and 10 eggs all with great fertilization (11, 9, and 10). This cycle it looks like we may get 5 mature eggs. As I am writing this, I wonder if the poor stimming has anything to do with the methotrexate?! I've gotta write that down and ask the doc about that one. My nurse said it was just a down cycle, that I shouldn't expect to stim the same every time because each cycle can be so different. I did the same protocol as before: BCP, Lupron 20, 10 then 5u, Follistim 75 and 2 Menopur in the AM and Follistim 150 and 1 Menopur in the PM.

I've had a pretty rough weekend at work, yesterday I had a melt down - combination of stress of the day and hormones. Feeling better today, but quite mellow. I have no idea what to expect from tomorrow. My primary thought for today is to stay hydrated so the IV will go smoothly tomorrow. I have my favorite anesthesiologist lined up for my retrieval so I know I will be in good hands. Unfortunately my RE is away on vacation. I'm excusing her for this because it is her 20th wedding anniversary, and she told me that she would be thinking about me while she was having a fruity drink....and honestly I think she will make a point to send some good energy my way. The RE that will be doing both retrieval and transfer is very good, just not the warm and fuzzy type.

Once I'm up and about, I'll send out the retrieval report.