Here we go....again

We are officially off and running with IVF#3. Actually I guess I was officially in it when I started BCPs, but it never feels real until I break out the needles. I started with L.upron 20u today, decrease on the 29th, baseline on 12/31, stims on 1/3, follow up u/s 1/9, and ER week of 1/12. Our big decision (if we get to make it) is do we continue with 5dt or switch to 3dt? I know that most people are happier getting to a 5dt. We have been blessed to have enough embies to make that an option. I'm just starting to think "do we need to do something different this time?" No need to obsess about that right now I suppose. So I'm hoping for a smooth holiday season as I will be jacked up on L.upron for the entire couple of weeks. I keep on saying "third time's a charm". I'm in such a weird place emotionally right now. I have pretty much no expectations about how this cycle is going to turn out. I've had a negative cycle, we could get that again. On the other hand if it is positive, doesn't mean that we will stay pregnant. The scariness about the process has worn off so I am certainly less anxious. I also can plan a little bit ...we all know how I LOVE to plan! The only thing that I am going to adamant about this cycle is that when they start my IV for ER that it be done either by the IV team or anesthesia....I don't need to be a pin cushion on that day.

The Cinderella Castle all aglow!

Z getting a big hug from her favorite princess

Our family

Z after her Princess Makeover at the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique

Our Disney trip was incredible!!!! (Aside from the fact that I got AF in full force when I was in the airplane bathroom with my daughter). The weather was great. Z was spoiled rotten and treated like a princess the entire week. Anyone traveling to Disney around the holidays - I would HIGHLY recommend going to the "Mickey's Very Merry Christmas Party" at the Magic Kingdom. It is an evening event that you can get into the park at 4 pm until midnight. Because there are limited tickets, there are virtually no lines and we almost walked right on to most of the rides (the kiddie rides anyway). We had pictures taken with a whole bunch of characters, the Christmas parade was out of this world and the fireworks were breath taking. We enjoyed it so much that we ended up going back for a second night, and my DH is already planning our next trip down there in two years. (Of course I'm doing the IVF math and thinking that would include a 14 month old). We came back to New England in time for a snow storm and hit the ground running with organizing the holiday madness.

May latest adventure was my slip and fall on the ice. I had had a couple of stressful days at work, and on my next day off I woke up to a tremendous headache. I spent the morning doing everything I could think of to get rid of it. I drank coffee, took tylenol, put a hot pack on my neck and face, and did some pressure point treatment. While I was doing all of this Z was running around like a maniac, the guy who is now remodeling our master bathroom shower was bringing in all of his equipment and C had a friend over to help move a bunch of work related equipment out of the basement. My father-in-law was also buzzing around- not really sure what he was doing. Then my therapist calls (the one who does craniosacral work): "Didn't we have an appointment this morning?" I wanted to cry. I could have had this taken care of by a professional? Turns out she had a crack of time in her schedule to fit me in, so I ran into her office. When I got home I decided if I took a quick nap, then that would be the end of my headache. My daughter was with my mother-in-law at this point, and my house was now empty. Perfect! So I took a nap. I woke up, refreshed. Headache - gone, mission accomplished. I then went up the hill to pick up my daughter from my mother-in-law, get out of my car take about 15 steps, slip on a very small patch of ice, get sent off balance and take a couple of running steps forward to right myself. I never did regain my balance and as I'm falling I see the slate step that makes up my in-laws porch coming closer to my face. This is when I went into slow motion and the only thing that went through my mind was "surely I'm not going to hit THAT?!"

Crack.


I landed forehead first on that step. I thought for sure I had just split my head wide open. My husband can't listen to me tell the story, because the visual makes him sick to his stomach. Now, this fall was unobserved - thank goodness. I'm pretty sure if someone saw it they would either be horrified, or laughing hysterically unable to render aid. I was pretty shaken up and started to cry, I didn't want to take my hand off my head because I was sure there would be some major blood loss. Next thing I hear is my daughter yelling "Mommy fell down" and I can hear the panic in her voice. She didn't see it, she just saw me laying on the ground. ANYWAY, to make a tremendously long story short, I have a cut above my eye, that did not require any kind of stitches. My nickname at work is now "Egghead". And yesterday I noticed that my eyelid is now bruising and I'm getting a black eye, this morning when I woke up my eye was almost swollen shut, but quickly got better when I got upright. Let me tell you....I'm a vision!!!

Just kidding

So I saw one spot and declared yesterday cd1. Well, no such luck. Still awaiting for an out and out AF. Which will probably happen today, since it is a travel day and all, and the the first official day of our vacation.

So far it is not going off very well. Yesterday we travelled 2 1/2 hours to stay closer to the airport. We are not an early morning family and we would have had to get up around 4am to make our flight if we left directly from home. A friend of my husband owns a spare 2 family house that is currently vacant and only 20 minutes from the airport. We decided to stay there for the night, get up at 6 am and take a cab to the airport....sounds like a better plan right? Well, lets just say that the accommodations at this house are a bit lacking. C and I are/were sharing a full sized bed, scratch that, futon (vs. our gigantic king size bed at home). Z is sleeping on an egg crate mattress on the floor. The apartment is a nice sized 2 bedroom place, but it is mostly used as storage for C's friend. One false step could create a small avalache of boxes. So it is best to remain still in one area. I don't know if it was the bed, my head/neck ache, or the anticipation of missing the alarm, but I had the hardest time sleeping. I won't say that I didn't sleep at all, I think I did get in some cat napping. But at 3:00 am I finally gave up and got out of bed, cried a little and have been on the computer ever since (it is now 5:30...only 30 minutes before the alarm goes off!) Z has been up at least 3 times asking me to turn her music back on so she could go back to sleep. C had to get up and connect some cables so I could get on the internet.....my guess is that by 2 pm there will be a major meltdown...perhaps by me. So while I have the whole "Debbie Downer" act going, I will also mention that the forecast for Orlando today is Thunder Storms starting around noon (our plane is supposed to land at 11:49). These storms are to continue throughout the whole day....I am not liking the beginning of this vacation.

BUT, maybe my negativity is just because I have a headache, am freezing (wrapped in a large towel because I couldn't find any blankets...or the thermostat for that matter), anxious about AF, and have had no appreciable sleep. I need to just make up my mind to RELAX and enjoy. I will not complain about my early morning wakings or my sore/dizzy head (I'm putting that in writing, so I have to commit to it).

12 minutes until the alarm....better go get ready to wake up!

IVF #2 here I come

Lots and lots of things have been happening lately, so blogging has been put on the way back burner. Work has been tremendously stressful, so I'm glad not to be cycling at the moment. I have an appointment on Wednesday with the RE to discuss the past, and look toward the future. As of late we have been gung ho about starting another cycle as quickly as possible. Partly because I am feeling the pressure of the biological clock, and partly because I want something else to think about other than our successful, yet failed IVF#1.

However, I have a new goal - vacation. An honest to goodness vacation that doesn't involve going to visit family. We've been talking about Disney for awhile now, and it has been put on hold several times. Money is tight and we just weren't sure if it was fiscally responsible for us to go on a trip like that (we don't have a great track record with restraining our spending on vacation). C just found out that with his reward points from his credit card, we can get 3 airline tickets, plus pay for a rental car for the week, not too mention we could use my parents' timeshare...that pretty much sealed the deal for me. Right now I have time off the first week of December, but have no idea what will be happening IVF/pregnancy wise at that time, and when it will be okay to travel. That is going to be pretty high on my priority list to talk with the RE about. Our family desperately needs to take a vacation so I'm hoping that we can do whatever kind of manipulation to my cycle, without delaying the process much, to make it happen. We also thought about going to Ireland with the reward points....but Z is much to small to enjoy that type of sightseeing, so Disney it is.

I have all but gained back the weight that I lost at the beginning of the year. Ten pounds I credit to the IVF meds, and 7 pounds to the emotional eating after the pregnancy loss. I'm back on the exercise mode again and starting to feel a little better. My eating is still an issue, as I'm sure it always will be. C needs to lose weight as well, so we have decided to have a weekly "meeting" and plan our meals and exercise times for the up coming week. We need that rigid kind of scheduling, because otherwise something will come up and exercise will be secondary - when it really needs to be a priority for both of us.