Just kidding

So I saw one spot and declared yesterday cd1. Well, no such luck. Still awaiting for an out and out AF. Which will probably happen today, since it is a travel day and all, and the the first official day of our vacation.

So far it is not going off very well. Yesterday we travelled 2 1/2 hours to stay closer to the airport. We are not an early morning family and we would have had to get up around 4am to make our flight if we left directly from home. A friend of my husband owns a spare 2 family house that is currently vacant and only 20 minutes from the airport. We decided to stay there for the night, get up at 6 am and take a cab to the airport....sounds like a better plan right? Well, lets just say that the accommodations at this house are a bit lacking. C and I are/were sharing a full sized bed, scratch that, futon (vs. our gigantic king size bed at home). Z is sleeping on an egg crate mattress on the floor. The apartment is a nice sized 2 bedroom place, but it is mostly used as storage for C's friend. One false step could create a small avalache of boxes. So it is best to remain still in one area. I don't know if it was the bed, my head/neck ache, or the anticipation of missing the alarm, but I had the hardest time sleeping. I won't say that I didn't sleep at all, I think I did get in some cat napping. But at 3:00 am I finally gave up and got out of bed, cried a little and have been on the computer ever since (it is now 5:30...only 30 minutes before the alarm goes off!) Z has been up at least 3 times asking me to turn her music back on so she could go back to sleep. C had to get up and connect some cables so I could get on the internet.....my guess is that by 2 pm there will be a major meltdown...perhaps by me. So while I have the whole "Debbie Downer" act going, I will also mention that the forecast for Orlando today is Thunder Storms starting around noon (our plane is supposed to land at 11:49). These storms are to continue throughout the whole day....I am not liking the beginning of this vacation.

BUT, maybe my negativity is just because I have a headache, am freezing (wrapped in a large towel because I couldn't find any blankets...or the thermostat for that matter), anxious about AF, and have had no appreciable sleep. I need to just make up my mind to RELAX and enjoy. I will not complain about my early morning wakings or my sore/dizzy head (I'm putting that in writing, so I have to commit to it).

12 minutes until the alarm....better go get ready to wake up!

CD 1 - at long last

I can't remember a time when I was so eagerly waiting for AF to show. I was almost a week and a half late. Apparently this a normal occurrence after a failed IVF cycle, no one had told me that. I went in for my cycle review on Wednesday. The LPN that took my vital signs is, well lets just say she is not one of my favorites. She was in on the last retrieval and participated in the great let's make the patient a pin cushion fiasco. She is not terribly sensitive to the whole IVF process. One of her first questions: "So, you're not pregnant yet?" I told her that my period was late, but I was about as sure as I could be that I was not pregnant. We decided to do a pregnancy test, in my mind just to rule it out. But she started to get all excited about the prospect that I was pregnant. I kept thinking that this was not really appropriate for an IVF patient. So here is how the conversation went:

Nurse: That would be so exciting! You should wait and surprise your husband at Thanksgiving dinner!

Me: I really don't think that I'm pregnant, I just want to rule this out.

Nurse: Instead of bringing out the turkey, you could bring out a baby rattle on a platter!

Me: (smiling politely)

Nurse: Do you think you could wait until tomorrow to tell him?

Me (having ENOUGH of this conversation): Well, first off I am working all day tomorrow so there will be no Thanksgiving meal for me. Second, I was pregnant earlier this year and had a miscarriage so even if this test is positive, it will be many weeks before we feel like we could celebrate.

*Crickets chirping*

Nurse: Oh, of course, I understand.

I don't think she could have exited the room any faster. The rest of the review with the doctor went fine. We were only going to change my protocol to a lupron flare if I hadn't started my period by today. There was some talk about switching to a 3dt vs 5dt, if only to make a change to what we are doing, not because they feel like we need to. I'm going to play that one by ear. My RE says there are no differences in pregnancy rates with a 3dt vs 5dt, just a decreased likelihood of multiples with the 5dt because they transfer less. I think for my age they would transfer 4 at 3dt - that just scares me a little too much. We are going to repeat my FSH with my next period....that will be in the middle of the cycle, so it is not like it will change anything, it's just time to do it again. I also brought up donor eggs, my RE laughed and said that there is no reason for that now especially with the way I stimulate, fertilize and divide. She made a comment that when I got closer to 42.5/43 years old, then it would be time to consider that. It was my turn to laugh at that, I'm figuring that we will be done with this process one way or the other by the end of 2009.

So we are off today for the big vacation. I'm looking forward to getting out of all this snow (we have had about 2-3 inches on the ground for a week), and back into short sleeve shirts.

The best laid schemes o' mice an' men gang aft a-gley

Just when I didn't think I had anything to blog about whilst I was waiting for AF and next cycle to start.....

My cycle is all wonky this month! I ovulated at least a week late and am waiting with breath that is baited for AF to show up. If it is much later than Friday, I fear that ER/ET will be delayed a week. That wouldn't be so bad under normal circumstances but that would mean that 1. I would be dealing with AF during my vacation and most importantly 2. The 13 days that I took off of work will be ill timed. I had planned on taking the time off so that I would be stress free about calling out from work after ER if needed, as well as being able to rest for a few days after ET. My clinic does absolutely no kind of bedrest post ET (except for the day of), and I just think its a good idea to be off my feet for a few days, especially considering my job. I have an appointment with the RE for my official cycle review, although I have a feeling that we will not be changing much for this next cycle. In the meantime, I'm cursing myself a bit - silly me thinking I could do something like make a plan for next cycle nearly two months ahead of time.

On to more fun filled plans: our trip to Disney is in one week. I'm just about, no scratch that, I'm probably more excited than my daughter. I'm making C crazy with all of my planning - I just want this to be an amazing vacation, and as memorable as it can be to a 4 year old. It has been a nice distraction to infertility.

Thanksgiving is going to be a lost holiday this year. I work both Thursday and Friday, then we will leave our house Saturday and spend the night close to the airport since we have a pretty early flight. I will have a left over turkey dinner waiting for me when I get home from work.

Meme

So exciting...this will be my first!

Thanks to Hez, who is still there supporting me!!!

The rules are as following:
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post.
5. Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know your entry is up.

Random thing #1: I close my eyes when I brush my teeth. I have no idea why, or when it started. A couple of years ago I noticed my eyes were closed while I was brushing, I made an effort to open them and it was the most bizarre sensation, so I am assuming that I have been doing this for quite some time.

Random thing #2: I hate the way cardboard or any kind of rough paper feels on my hands. We just rolled a bunch of coins and I can't bring myself to pick up the rolls... just the idea of handling them makes the hair on my neck stand up. Putting a fair amount of lotion on my hands makes it slightly more tolerable. I just told my DH about this a few weeks ago and he thinks that I am nuts.

Random thing #3: Whenever I see the time 11:11 I say "hello"(out loud) to my friend MG who passed away 4 years ago. She used to say "Eleven eleven, elevens a plenty" whenever she saw this time. She used to do this with 10:10 as well, but for some reason I seem to only see 11:11. Since she passed away I see this time at least a couple of times a week, and in the most unusual places - time stamps on emails, fetal monitoring documentation... I miss her everyday, I'm broken hearted that my daughter will never know her. If we ever have a son, his name will be her last name.

Random thing #4: I am the only one in my family who has not become a sports official. My brother referees hockey - he refereed the Olympics in Italy in 2006, my father refereed college and high school football, softball, basketball, and was a gymnastics judge and now works evaluating football officials, my mother was a gymnastics judge. One day...in my abundance of spare time, I would like to get into gymnastics judging, although the sport has changed dramatically since I was involved.

Random thing #5: One of my favorite sounds when the seal is broken on a certain type of IV fluids- it is a very crisp "pop".

Random thing #6: As much as I love my career, and think about what degree I can work on next...all I really want to do is to be a stay at home mom...

Okay, I tag Baby Quest, I believe in Miracles and anyone else who is out there reading.....