cd 3

Welcome to cd3. Isn't this crazy, but I have forgotten off the top of my head if this is my first or second month off of clomid. When did I do that clomid challenge....last month? After being so obsessive about charting for so long, I feel a bit out of control not having the statistics of my cycle as my first and most persistent thought throughout the day. Anyway, so far it has been an exciting cycle....warning....graphic AF description coming. It's red....really red and pretty heavy. Never thought I would be jumping for joy over a heavy period. But, considering for months now AF has lasted only a couple of days and has been almost black....my thought is that my lining is starting to rebound from all the months of clomid (10 cycles since fall of last year). So, what comes with this excitement? hope. There, I said it. There is a piece of me that thinks that clomid was more evil than good, and now that AF is back to normal and I am more "relaxed" (yes, I know, I said the "r" word) especially since I am likely going to take this new job, that there is hope that we can still do this the natural way. Don't worry, the excitement and hope won't stick around for long, I'm sure, but I'm going to embrace them while they are here - rather than escorting them to the door.

I have an appointment to talk with my boss on Monday morning re: new job opportunity. I know that she will understand, but it is going to be a difficult conversation. We are already short staffed, with little hope of finding experienced nurses for the holes in the schedule that we already have. I have a strong sense of loyalty to this department and I hate the idea of leaving them in a time of need.....but I have to put my family first.

I'd like a couple more, please

So welcome to cd3. Did I mention that I am already not optimistic about this cycle? Maybe if I set me expectations low, then I might be pleasantly surprised. Dr. O.T. was not even in the room for 2 minutes when he asked "So how many more times are we going to do this?" What the hell?! We've done 2 cycles of IUI, one with a poor sperm count, and one with a larger follicle on the side without a fallopian tube. Am I asking too much to do this at least a couple more times before I consider spending money that we don't have? His retirement is imminent - sometime in September, so I only have 2 more potential times with him, then what does he care what I do? I feel like he is not really paying attention to the details of my situation- not a terribly reassuring quality in a doctor is it? For example, I talked to him about my lining and lack of CM changes since the trigger injections. He doesn't think anything of the lack of CM at ovulation, and as far as the lining goes - he thinks it is "just fine". So why did he tell me last month that the likely reason for my bizarre AF was a poor lining? He asked if I had had an endometrial biopsy, which I have not. But then says he doesn't want to do one and waste a cycle. So I suggest that if I ovulate on the right side this month, can we do the biopsy. He says "Oh, that's a good idea - you're really thinking about this aren't you?" Dumbass.....this is ALL I think about!

So that is the plan as of now. I start clomid 50 mg tonight. US again on cd10 (Monday). If there are promising follicles on the left, then we do another IUI, if follicles on the right we will do an endometrial biopsy around cd24. Dr. O.T. all but ran out the door after the US, so I didn't get a chance to ask him what they would be looking for with the biopsy. I'm sure that I will start surfing the net for an answer, but if anyone can give me some advice or information, I would greatly appreciate it.

By the way, I've been meaning to mention the honor that was bestowed to our little state - Springfield, VT - home of the Simpsons! They had the movie premier in a LITTLE theatre, and all over town it is Simpsons mania. I passed a diner today that had specials of "Bart's Breakfast Buffet" and "Homer's Haddock". Simpsons' cut outs are all over town - it is hysterical!

Deadline

I saw Dr. Old Timer Monday. I am frustrated with him. He doesn't believe in doing a lot of testing, basically saying that it wouldn't change anything that we are doing now. Which I understand, I really do, but some of this doesn't make very much sense to me. I just had the most bizarre AF ever. (Skip ahead to next paragraph if you don't want the details). It only lasted 2 days, the first day I spotted red then it turned brown - which is normal for me. Then it goes from brown to almost black with sediment. And then almost abruptly stops. Usually AF stays for 3-4 days.

So I discuss the details of AF and Dr. Old Timer says that is likely the result of a "poor lining". He makes the comparison between a cycle on BCP and the period I just described. I was on BCP for YEARS and never had a cycle like that. So since this is the first IUI, I am nervous that we are stimulating ovulation early, but the lining isn't ready. Aren't there hormone levels that will detect a problem with the lining - is it progesterone? Anyway, he placates me by saying that we can repeat my blood work if I want, but it won't change anything.....what am I supposed to say to that? Then he tells me that he will not be doing IUI after October and that I should start thinking about IVF. I have four months, and with only one fallopian tube and the wrong ovary seemingly a bit of a bully, I am nervous about how many of those four months will actually be possible to do an IUI.

The good news (and only good news) about this particular visit is that my left ovary is already showing two follies that are larger than any on the right. CD3 and they are already 9.3 mm. Then I leave the doctor's office to get my clomid prescription filled and the pharmacy had closed early. The next day I go to the pharmacy first thing in the AM, they told me it would be 20 minutes, I come back 30 minutes later and they say "We don't have that in stock, we had to order it. Hopefully it will be here tomorrow." I was just about to throw a hissy fit after I asked for my prescription back and someone in the back happened to overhear the conversation and said that they did indeed have it, and it would be ready shortly. Crisis averted. There are not too many options for pharmacies in this area and I would have been screwed for another day or two if they could not get it.

In the meantime, I work for the next couple of nights, then off to visit my brother's family for the weekend. I have the telling u/s on Monday to see which side is ovulating, and hopefully an IUI by the end of the week. Why is it that the first two weeks of the cycle goes by so fast and the last two is like a slow walk through purgatory?

So between now and next weekend here is list of activities: work 3 12 hour night shifts and one day shift, drive 2.5 hours (one way) to visit with my brother's family, get some professional pictures of Z, attend/help organize a last minute 40th anniversary party for my in-laws, clean my house in anticipation of my entire family coming for the weekend, organize and throw a birthday party for my daughter, go to 2 doctor's appointments, hopefully have an IUI. Piece a cake.

Hopeful

I'm hopeful...I think. Not the kind of blindly optimistic kind of hope that I had at the beginning of this journey, but the "maybe this is the month" kind of hope. I went in Wednesday for an US and everything looks good and primed. Last month's follicle is gone and there are plenty on both sides ready to ripen. Started clomid 50 mg on the same day. I have done months and months of clomid, both 50 and 100 mg, but this is only the second month that we have done US along with the medication. I have always had mostly regular periods, positive OPKs, and cervical mucous changes so there was never a thought that I wasn't ovulating. I switched doctors when IUI was the next step as my regular OB does not perform them. To some degree it feels like starting all over again. The new doctor has some different ideas and different monitoring practices. I had a theory....a good one too I might add. And no this was not just a theory to make myself feel better - okay, maybe a little. Last month my day 10 US showed that my follicle was 1.86 mm - ready and ripe. Since the little bugger was on the "wrong" side (my right) we did nothing. But of course I continued to monitor my cycle like a hawk. I ovulated 6 days later on my own. Hmmmm, I thought. If the follicle was ready at day 10, shouldn't I have ovulated sooner? So here is my theory- my follicle is not being released at the right time - a bit like an apple staying on a tree too long and by the time it drops, it's rotten. There are two main reasons I need to believe this theory. First - this is the first indication of something that is truly amiss. I know that I should be thanking my lucky stars that the docs have not been able to find a problem - but I'm a "let's roll up our sleeves and fix this" kind of gal. And with nothing wrong, there is nothing to fix, and nothing to DO. Second - is that IUI with Noravel will potentially solve this problem. Naive - maybe, but hopeful still.