How can it be that I have hardly thinking about IF these days?! I am in the middle of a two week "experienced nurse orientation" program at the new hospital, so I suppose that all of my energy is spent there right now. I don't really like to think about IF too much right now because the reality is that we will be starting our final leg of this journey in the next couple of months. I can't comprehend what next year will look like - baby or no baby, hysterectomy or not, Z as an only child permanently or with sibling(s). It just makes my head spin.
In the next couple of weeks I have to make some financial decisions in regard to a pre-tax medical spending account. I suppose that in order to not lose any money I put into the account, I should assume that we will only do this once - but how realistic is that?
There are so many question marks and I just don't have the ambition to pursue the answers right now.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Change and Nothingness
I am starting my second week of being gloriously unemployed. My last shift at the teeny tiny hospital was last Sunday and I start my new job next Monday. I'll be easing into the new hospital with a week and a half of "experienced nurse orientation", then I will hit the floor (possibly literally). Still not really excited....I suppose that I am hopeful that I will like the job. C is already talking about the possibility of moving somewhere half way between here and there because he is anticipating that I will fall in love with this new job/hospital. We'll soon see.
So far I'm enjoying living life during the daylight hours. A friend told me that it can take up to a month before your internal clock resets after coming off of night shift, but I already feel a difference. It is a little difficult to ascertain why I am feeling so good at the moment as there have been a lot of changes in the last couple of weeks. I am exercising 40 minutes on the elliptical trainer 3-5 days a week. Weight watchers online is proving helpful and I am eating better and have lost 5 pounds. I am going to bed at reasonable hours and waking up at a consistent time. I am trying to connect with fold friends and make new ones. During this temporary "unemployment" I have virtually no responsibilities except to my family, and we have spent some amazing family time together. Last weekend we went ice skating (Z's first time ever and C's first time since 6th grade!). I come from a family of skaters (brother refereed ice hockey in the Olympics in Torino, dad used to coach hockey.....) So it was a new sensation to be the most experienced.
The other big difference in the last couple of weeks is of course the whole IF thing. I'm not really thinking about it too much. I have a general idea of when AF was here, but could not tell you what cd I'm on. I have learned nothing about keeping my mouth shut when discussing IF with those who don't have a clue. I had playdate/lunch with a girl in Z's gymnastic class and her mother last week. She has four children, and of course the last was unexpected. I have been friendly with this woman for several months and our daughters get along great, but this was the first time we have done something together outside of the gym. Over lunch she asks the inevitable question "so are you going to have more kids?" Me: .......pause.....big sigh......stalling for time........."we're working on it". She: "It'll happen sooner than you know". I should have just left it there and smiled. Why did I feel the need to explain that it has already been 2 years and we are going through treatment? Well, for what ever reason, I did explain it - briefly. She: "Have you ever thought about just relaxing and forgetting about it for awhile?" Me: (crap). Why is that the first advice that people go to? Anyway, can't remember too much what I said after that, but I'm sure I got my point across that the subject was closed.
Well, I'm off to do some sewing. Beyond that I have no idea what I'm going to do for the rest of the day. I made a comment this morning that I didn't want to be bored and C said "God forbid you take it easy and be bored for awhile!" He's right....maybe I'll do nothing today!
So far I'm enjoying living life during the daylight hours. A friend told me that it can take up to a month before your internal clock resets after coming off of night shift, but I already feel a difference. It is a little difficult to ascertain why I am feeling so good at the moment as there have been a lot of changes in the last couple of weeks. I am exercising 40 minutes on the elliptical trainer 3-5 days a week. Weight watchers online is proving helpful and I am eating better and have lost 5 pounds. I am going to bed at reasonable hours and waking up at a consistent time. I am trying to connect with fold friends and make new ones. During this temporary "unemployment" I have virtually no responsibilities except to my family, and we have spent some amazing family time together. Last weekend we went ice skating (Z's first time ever and C's first time since 6th grade!). I come from a family of skaters (brother refereed ice hockey in the Olympics in Torino, dad used to coach hockey.....) So it was a new sensation to be the most experienced.
The other big difference in the last couple of weeks is of course the whole IF thing. I'm not really thinking about it too much. I have a general idea of when AF was here, but could not tell you what cd I'm on. I have learned nothing about keeping my mouth shut when discussing IF with those who don't have a clue. I had playdate/lunch with a girl in Z's gymnastic class and her mother last week. She has four children, and of course the last was unexpected. I have been friendly with this woman for several months and our daughters get along great, but this was the first time we have done something together outside of the gym. Over lunch she asks the inevitable question "so are you going to have more kids?" Me: .......pause.....big sigh......stalling for time........."we're working on it". She: "It'll happen sooner than you know". I should have just left it there and smiled. Why did I feel the need to explain that it has already been 2 years and we are going through treatment? Well, for what ever reason, I did explain it - briefly. She: "Have you ever thought about just relaxing and forgetting about it for awhile?" Me: (crap). Why is that the first advice that people go to? Anyway, can't remember too much what I said after that, but I'm sure I got my point across that the subject was closed.
Well, I'm off to do some sewing. Beyond that I have no idea what I'm going to do for the rest of the day. I made a comment this morning that I didn't want to be bored and C said "God forbid you take it easy and be bored for awhile!" He's right....maybe I'll do nothing today!
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